Domestic Violence Awareness & Action

HOME FREE NEEDS YOUR HELP 
Home Free Shelter & Community Program is a program of Missions Inc. Home Free Shelter is the domestic violence shelter in our area that serves women and children seeking refuge from domestic violence. To help Home Free continue to provide a safe haven for women and children fleeing abusive situations, we will be collecting donations for the shelter from July 13 - July 26.


HOME FREE’S "NEEDS" LIST
To support Home Free Shelter & Community Program we will be collecting donations for the shelter from July 13 – July 26.
Most needed items include:

(1) Full-size (not travel size) adult personal care items, including deodorant, full size lotion, toothpaste, full size hair conditioner, toothbrushes, hair products for women of color: brushes, hair grease, conditioner and gel.

(2) Supplies for babies and children, including disposable diapers (size 5), wet wipes, baby bottle brushes, baby monitors, new spill proof sippy cups, baby lotion, kids toothpaste, glue sticks, formula (Similac sensitive).

(3) Cleaning supplies, including Clorox Anywhere spray, Pinesol (or generic), toilet bowl cleaner, laundry detergent (liquid).

(4) Medicine cabinet supplies, including adult and children cold medicines, children’s pain relievers, Orajel, heating pads, medication droppers or syringes.

Gift cards (for Target, Wal-Mart, Cub, Super America, Holiday, Office Depot, movie theaters, Sally’s Beauty Supply or any drugstore) are also much needed. If you would like to give a gift card, or send a check to Home Free, please use the pre-addressed donation envelopes that will be next to the collection bin and mail them directly to Home Free. It is important that gift cards and checks are not left in the collection bin and are instead mailed to Home Free Shelter & Community Program, a program of Missions Inc.

Contributions (other than gift cards and checks) can be placed in the collection bin that will be in the Social Hall just off the Gathering Space.

Download a "Needs" List

If you would like to get involved with Domestic Violence Awareness and Action (DVAA) at SJTW, please contact Susan Rivard at 612-247-4428, (susanrivard5873@gmail.com)or Jane Warren 763-494-5528, (janewarren1@gmail.com).



Help lines for those being abused

Home Free Shelter, Crisis Line 763-559-4945
www.missionsinc.org/programs/home-free

DAY ONE MN DV Crisis Line Call 866-223-1111
or text 612.399.9995. www.dayoneservices.org

Answered by the shelter that is closest to the caller.

National DV Hot Line Call 800-799-SAFE/7233
or go to www.thehotline.org to chat with a trained Crisis Counselor.
Information for all states. Open 24/7 every day, this is a resource for safety information and can connect any caller with shelters and protection advocates in her area.

National Dating Abuse Help Line 866-331-9474 
website: loveisrespect.org

SUMMER AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

For most of us living in Minnesota we look forward a great deal to the coming of summer, after long months of cold, snow, ice, and wind. We enjoy being able to go outside in shorts and T-shirts and flip flops. We spend time at the lakes and parks and on our decks and patios lying in the sun and relaxing.

For victims of domestic violence this is not a picture of their summers. The victims come to dread the hot season: The stress in their homes goes up with children home, there are more parties with increased alcohol use, and the heat can raise tempers for family members.

Summer is a transition time when people are deciding on where they want to be when school starts. If the victim wants to leave a marriage or relationship she/he will often do it in the summer so that they will be settled before school begins. But victims are always at higher risk of violence- and even murder- when they tell their abuser they want a divorce.

• Teen violence also goes up in the summer as teens have more idle time and may be partying more than during the school year.
• All families should be able to look forward to warm summers, relaxation and fun.
• Domestic Abuse is never ok and we must all take a position of ZERO TOLERANCE for violence.

Please consider joining the Domestic Violence Awareness and Action Group here at SJTW. We meet on the first Tuesday of every month, at 7:00 p.m. in the library. Our group is ecumenical and we welcome people from all religious affiliations. 

The Link Between Domestic Violence and Mass Shootings
Domestic violence is far more prevalent in our society than mass shootings. While the majority of domestic abusers don’t go on to commit mass shootings, they are more likely than non-abusers to resort to deadly violence. In fact, researchers have identified certain behaviors – including strangling, stalking and death threats – that are red flags and key warning signs that a domestic abuser is likely to kill in the future, and some of those homicides could involve other people and not just their partner. From 2015 to early November 2017, there were 46 mass shootings in the US, with a mass shootings defined as an incident in which four or more people were shot and killed, not including the gunman. According to data collected by Everytown for Gun Safety, in 27 of those cases, or about 59 percent, the perpetrator killed an intimate partner or family member during the massacre or had a history of domestic violence. (Jelston 2017, Campbell 2018) This bears repeating: The majority of mass shootings in the US involve an intimate partner being killed by their abuser, along with other people. Intimate partner homicide is the very definition of domestic violence. Over half of the mass shootings in America, then, are related to domestic violence in some way. As terrible as domestic violence is, taking this larger perspective makes it clear that the ravages and damage from the crime of abuse is even deeper and broader than is commonly known. If you want to help fight DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard 612-247-4428 or susanrivard5873@gmail.com or Jane Warren 763-494-5528 or janewarren1@gmail.com for more information

THE IMPACT ON CHILDREN LIVING WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Children react in a variety of ways and adopt various coping skills to survive when they are living in a home with domestic abuse. Physical signs of stress in children can include sleep problems and frequent illnesses. Behavioral signs can include low self-esteem, running away and bullying others. Children in an abusive home can “learn” to use violence as a way to solve problems. Between 3.3 and 10 million American children witness domestic violence annually. Children living with domestic violence often feel guilty, angry, confused, afraid, isolated, ashamed and hopeless. There are never excuses for being abusive. It is always wrong. Violence is a learned behavior. It can be unlearned. Help break the cycle. If you would like to be a part of the Domestic Violence Awareness and Action Group here at St. Joe's, we meet on the first Tuesday of every month in the SJTW library from 7:00-8:30. We educate and take actions to move toward zero tolerance for domestic abuse. Contact Jane Warren or 763-494-5528 or Susan Rivard or 612-247-4428.

DATING THAT BECOMES HURTFUL

Far too many teens are hurt in abusive and exploitive relationships, sometimes with life-long consequences.
Here are some signs of an abusive relationship:
1. The abusive partner is very controlling about what their partner does and who they do it with. Abusive partners usually show a lot of jealousy or possessiveness.
2. Abusive partners have short tempers.
3. Abusive partners will often belittle or put down their partners.
4. Abusive relationships don’t start with a black eye on the first date. Abuse is much more subtle. There is a lot of emotional abuse that occurs before the first slap, push or grab.

If teens disclose abuse, believe them. Make sure they know that abuse is not their fault.

If you or someone you know is being abused there are resources that can help.
 

COMMON MYTHS ABOUT DOMESTIC ABUSE
Domestic abuse is not caused by mental illness. Personality disorders, poor impulse control or a mental illness diagnosis do not cause DV. When a particular mental illness causes a person to become violent, the violence is not usually specifically targeted at one person. When DV happens, it is targeted at a specific victim.
Domestic abuse is not caused by genetics. Someone’s DNA or a genetic abnormality does not “make” someone abuse another person.

Domestic abuse is not caused by alcohol and drugs. Perpetrators, and many battered women, sometimes blame domestic abuse on alcohol and drugs. While these chemicals can exacerbate the abuse that occurs, they do not cause it. Addiction and abuse require two different kinds of intervention.

Domestic abuse is not caused by out-of-control behavior. Abusive behavior is an abuser’s conscious choice, a choice that is made to reach a goal: power and control over the victim.

Domestic abuse is not caused by anger. We all get angry from time to time, but perpetrators of abuse use anger to assert power and maintain control. They direct their anger at one person (the victim) at a time and place of their choosing, and they are often quite calm and “reasonable” when explaining the incident to law enforcement.

Domestic abuse is not caused by victim behavior. Batterers strongly defend their abuse by denying, minimizing, justifying and rationalizing their behavior, often saying they wouldn’t be abusive if the victim behaved differently. Nothing a victim does causes another person to be violent; violence and abuse are a choice of the abuser.

If you want to help fight DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard at 612-247-4428 or susanrivard5873@gmail.com or Jane Warren  at 763-494-5528 for more information.

DVAA’S MISSION AND VISION STATEMENT

Domestic Violence Awareness and Action’s mission is to work within faith communities and the community at large to raise awareness about and promote zero tolerance for domestic abuse.

To fulfill this mission, DVAA’s actions are: · To educate about domestic abuse, including dating abuse · To support domestic abuse programs in the community · To organize community events honoring victims and survivors of abuse · To mentor domestic abuse ministries in faith communities · To transform environments of faith communities, so worship spaces send a message of support and safety for victims of abuse.

DVAA’s vision is healthy relationships and peaceful, safe environments in our homes, churches, and communities.
 

SEE THE PURPLE, KNOW WHAT IT MEANS
October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and purple is the signatory hue.

Why purple? In the United States military, the Purple Heart is presented to those who have been wounded while serving. For survivors of domestic violence, who may also be wounded both physically and emotionally, the color is meant to be a symbol of peace, courage, survival, honor and dedication to ending violence.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month was first observed in 1981 as a national day of unity. It was established by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence to ensure that victims know help is available if they need it. So when you see purple in October, it is more than just a color. It is a statement.
 

ABUSE HELP LINES
Home Free Shelter, Crisis Line 763-559-4945
DAY ONE MN DV Crisis Line 866-223-1111 (answered by different shelters each week)
National DV Hot Line 800-799-SAFE/7233 (have information for all states)
National Dating Abuse Help Line 866-331-9474 (website: loveisrespect.org)
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women 888-743-5754 or 888.7HELPLINE, or www.dahmw.org

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE RISK ASSESSMENT GUIDE
The presence of the following factors can indicate an elevated risk of serious injury or lethality in an abusive relationship. The absence of these factors is not, however, evidence of the absence of risk or lethality. It is impossible to predict with certainty which batterers will become lethal to their victims, and all batterers should be viewed as potentially deadly. These factors, however, raise red flags that should not be ignored. 
1. Does the victim believe that the abuser will re-assault or attempt to kill her/him?
2. Has the victim tried to leave the abuser?
3. Has the abuser ever threatened to or tried to kill the victim?
4. Has the abuser ever attempted to strangle or choke the victim?
5. Does the abuser have access to a firearm, or is there a firearm in the home?
6. Has the abuser ever used or threatened to use a weapon against the victim?
7. Has the physical violence increased in frequency or severity over the past year?
8. Does the abuser try to control most or all of the victim’s daily activities?
9. Is the abuser constantly or violently jealous?
10. Has the abuser ever threatened or tried to commit suicide?
11. Are there any pending or prior Orders for Protection, criminal or civil cases involving the abuser? 

Always listen to the victim: If she/he feels “in their gut” that the situation is dangerous, contact a battered women’s shelter. 
 

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE: WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE IN OTHERS 
People who are being abused may
• Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
• Go along with everything their partner says and does
• Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing
• Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner
• Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness

People who are being physically abused may
• Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”
• Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation
• Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors)

People who are being isolated by their abuser may
• Be restricted from seeing family and friends
• Rarely go out in public without their partner
• Have limited access to money, credit cards or the car 

People who are being abused may
• Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident
• Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn)
• Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal

If you want to help break the around silence DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard (612-247-4428) or Jane Warren (763-494-5528) for more information. 

ANYONE Can Be A Victim of Domestic Violence
Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. There is no “typical” victim, victims of DV come from all walks of life, all age groups, all backgrounds, all communities, all education levels, all economic levels, all cultures, all ethnicities, all religions, all abilities, and all lifestyles. They can be men or women. Victims of domestic violence do not bring violence upon themselves and do not always lack self- confidence. Throw away the stereotypes and recognize the frightening reality that domestic violence is everywhere and can affect anyone. Violence in relationships occurs when one person feels entitled to exert power and control over their partner and chooses to use physical or verbal abuse to gain and maintain that control.
 

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOMICIDES IN MINNESOTA
In 2017, 19 Minnesota women died from domestic violence homicides. It has been observed that women often confide in the people in their lives and the systems they interact with about the abuse they are experiencing. Minnesota women murdered in 2017 confided in family members, friends, and colleagues about the abuse and their attempts to leave. They shared information with criminal justice system professionals, health care providers, family court, employers and government agencies. As a community, we must educate ourselves about existing resources for victims such as voluntary and confidential services through domestic violence programs that can safely plan and assist victims. + If you want to help fight DV, please join the Domestic Violence Awareness and action Group here at St. Joe’s. We educate and take actions to move toward zero tolerance for domestic abuse. 

If you want to help fight DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard at 612-247-4428 or susanrivard5873@gmail.com) or Jane Warren  at763-494-5528 or janewarren1@gmail.com for more information. 

From Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women 2017 Femicide Report.

Vigil at Plymouth intersection honors domestic abuse victim