Saint Joseph the Worker Catholic Church
7180 Hemlock Lane North • Maple Grove, MN 55369

Domestic Violence Awareness & Action

- Social Justice

Maple Grove Police Department Is Prepared to Respond to Domestic Violence Calls
Over the past year, the Maple Grove Police Department has been working diligently to enhance the services provided to victims of domestic violence. The department’s domestic violence policy has been updated, and the Lethality Assessment (which assesses the level of risk for lethal violence) is being used on domestic arrests. The entire department has been trained in the updated policy, use of the Lethality Assessment, and the enhanced procedures when responding to and investigating domestic calls for service.

In addition, the department has also developed a Domestic Violence Response Team (DVRT). The DVRT is a group of officers with supplemental training in domestic violence who will review all domestic calls for service and provide follow up contact with victims of domestic violence.

The goal of these policy and procedure updates is to ensure high quality and effective service to the citizens of Maple Grove.

DOMESTIC ABUSE ARE YOU OR COULD YOU BE A VICTIM?

Questions to ask if you are wondering:

1. Is your partner jealous of the time you spend with friends, family or co-workers?

2. Does your partner control or try to control your comings and goings?

3. When something good happens, do you feel as if you don’t deserve it?

4. Are you the child or relative of someone who has been physically or emotionally abused?

5. Does your partner tell you how to spend your money or control the amount of money you have?

6. Does your partner cut you off from support systems such as friends you talk with on the phone or lunch with?

7. Does your partner blame you for his/her problems, failures, unemployment, etc.?

8. Is your partner cruel to animals or people or show insensitivity or pleasure to their mental pain or suffering?

9. Does your partner verbally abuse you, say cruel and hurtful things to you, humiliate your privately or in front of others?

10.During Sex, does your partner use force, hold or throw you down or demand sex regardless of how you feel?

11.Does your partner threaten you or cause physical pain and/or injury?

12.Does your partner make you feel afraid?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, you may be in an abusive relationship or at risk of becoming involved in an abusive relationship. For more information or help, contact your local battered women’s program.

Resources:
Alexandra House-763-780-2330
Home Free-763-559-9008
Cornerstone-952-884-0376
National Domestic Violence Hotline-1-800-799-7233
If you would like to join a group here at St. Joe’s working on the issue of domestic abuse, please come to a meeting on the third Monday of the month at 7:00 PM in the church library.

For more information contact: Jane Warren at 763-494-5528 or Susan Rivard at 763-559-5873.

There Are NO Excuses for Domestic Abuse
WHY ABUSE SOMEONE? When abusive men were asked that question, here are some of their responses. They said they abuse because:
“I don’t want to hit her, but she keeps nagging me.”
“It must be OK. Last time we had a fight she saw her pastor, and he sent her home.”
“I just do what my Dad did, and they had a good marriage.”
“Hitting actually helps both of us. It relieves all the tension I’ve built up, and it makes her behave.”
“All I ever have to do is yell at her. I don’t hit. I’m not a wife beater.”
“The guys at work think it is all right to hit once in a while if the wife really needs it. It’s just part of marriage.”
Abusers may offer excuses to justify their behavior, but there are NEVER excuses for being abusive. It is ALWAYS wrong.
If you would like to be a part of the Domestic Violence Awareness and Action Group here at St. Joe’s, we meet on the third Monday of every month in the library from 7:00-8:30 p.m.. We educate and take actions to move toward zero tolerance for domestic abuse. Contact Jane Warren at 763-494-5528 or Susan Rivard at 612-247-4428.

Domestic Violence Risk Assessment Guide
The presence of the following factors can indicate an elevated risk of serious injury or lethality in an abusive relationship. The absence of these factors is not, however, evidence of the absence of risk or lethality. It is impossible to predict with certainty which batterers will become lethal to their victims, and all batterers should be viewed as potentially deadly. These factors, however, raise red flags that should not be ignored.
1. Does the victim believe that the abuser will re-assault or attempt to kill her/him?
2. Has the victim tried to leave the abuser?
3. Has the abuser ever threatened to or tried to kill the victim?
4. Has the abuser ever attempted to strangle or choke the victim?
5. Does the abuser have access to a firearm, or is there a firearm in the home?
6. Has the abuser ever used or threatened to use a weapon against the victim?
7. Has the physical violence increased in frequency or severity over the past year?
8. Does the abuser try to control most or all of the victim’s daily activities?
9. Is the abuser constantly or violently jealous?
10. Has the abuser ever threatened or tried to commit suicide?
11. Are there any pending or prior Orders for Protection, criminal or civil cases involving the abuser?
Always listen to the victim: If she/he feels “in their gut” that the situation is dangerous, contact a battered women’s shelter. In our area, that would be Home Free Shelter (crisis line 763.559.4945), or Cornerstone (crisis line 952.884.0330), or DAY ONE (crisis line 866.223.1111). All crisis lines are open 24/7.

Domestic Violence
This Valentine’s Day we’d like to remind you that everyone deserves a safe and healthy relationship. If you or someone you know has a question about a relationship, healthy or unhealthy, visit loveisrespect.org.
THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE
Remember, love has many definitions, but abuse is not one of them.

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Violence Against Women – How You Talk About It Counts!
We talk about how many women were raped last year, not about how many men raped women. We talk about how many girls in a school district were harassed last year, not about how many boys harassed girls. We talk about how many teenage girls in the state of Vermont got pregnant last year, rather than how many men and boys impregnated teenage girls.
So you can see how the use of the passive voice has a political effect. It shifts the focus off of men and boys and onto girls and women. Even the term “violence against women” is problematic. It’s a passive construction; there’s no active agent in the sentence. It’s a bad thing that happens to women, but when you look at that term “violence against women,” nobody is doing it to them. It just happens to them…Men aren’t even a part of it. (by Jackson Katz)

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence
“Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence” will be presented on Sunday, Oct 29 from 2:45 to 5 p.m. at the Brooklyn Park Library, 8500 West Broadway Avenue N. Everyone is welcome.
A distinguished panel includes Keisha T., A Cornerstone Criminal Justice Intervention Advocate; Reverend Emily Lagat, Founder and President of Inspired Prayer Ministry International; Samuel Mwangi, Executive Director of the Global Fatherhood Foundation; and Matt Rabe, Brooklyn Park Community Engagement Police Officer.

A Heartfelt Thank You from DVAA
THANK YOU to SJTW – and especially to Aaron, Mark, Father Mike, Father Don and Roxanne – for their robust and creative help in making a statement against domestic abuse during October, National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. DVAA knows we are blessed to be part of a parish that “walks the walk” on social justice issues. You are all living proof that, working together, we can make a difference – and, hopefully, one day achieve zero tolerance for domestic abuse.

Healing After Domestic Abuse
After experiencing domestic violence, it may feel impossible to heal. It’s important to remember you can, and will, move forward.
Coming to a place of calm after abuse is no easy task. Survivors often experience feelings of guilt and shame after leaving an abuser and may need to work through other emotional, physical, legal and economic challenges along the way.
There is a toolkit that can help domestic abuse survivors start to heal. Go to domesticshelters.org, click on Common Questions, then click on “How Do I Heal After Abuse?” You can download the toolkit from there.
Inside you’ll find links to helpful articles, recommended books, checklists, survivor survey results, support communities and how to find help.
Remember, survivors are strong, capable and perseverant. Help is out there, and it’s important for survivors to know they don’t have to tackle the healing process alone.
If you suspect someone you care about is being abused, ask them, believe them, and give them resources. Your help could prevent another senseless death to domestic violence.

VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CAN BE ANY AGE

Women, children and men of all ages die from domestic violence. Here is the story of a 68-year-old woman dying from domestic violence.
Elizabeth “Betty” Thompson and her husband Lynn Thompson, 72, were both found dead at home in Manohmen County on August 9, 2016. Law enforcement ruled the deaths a murder-suicide. The medical examiner found that Elizabeth was strangled and Lynn died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. Elizabeth leaves behind three adult children.

Here is a story of children dying from domestic violence.
Luis Ronquillo, 13, and his sister, Nahily Ronquillo, 10, were shot and killed by their father, Luis Eduardo Ronquillo Alvarado, 39, in Minneapolis on September 30, 2016. Their mother was also shot and transported to the hospital in critical condition. She survived. Luis Eduardo Ronquillo Alvarado subsequently committed suicide.

Domestic violence does not start with murder. It begins with one person having power and control over another, escalates over time to hollering, humiliating, isolating, slapping, shoving, and injuring and often ends in death.

If you suspect someone you care about is being abused, ask them, believe them, and give them resources. Your help could prevent another senseless death to domestic violence.

DVAA’S MISSION AND VISION STATEMENT

Domestic Violence Awareness and Action’s mission is to work within faith communities and the community at large to raise awareness about and promote zero tolerance for domestic abuse.

To fulfill this mission, DVAA’s actions are:
· To educate about domestic abuse, including dating abuse
· To support domestic abuse programs in the community
· To organize community events honoring victims and survivors of abuse
· To mentor domestic abuse ministries in faith communities
· To transform environments of faith communities, so worship spaces send a message of support and safety for victims of abuse.

DVAA’s vision is healthy relationships and peaceful, safe environments in our homes, churches, and communities.

DAY ONE: A RESOURCE FOR VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC ABUSE

Day One Services, a program of Cornerstone, helps individuals impacted by domestic violence, sexual violence or human trafficking. Day One’s Call Center is staffed 24 hours a day, 7 days a week by highly-trained crisis advocates who respond to crisis calls, texts and online chat messages from people across the state of Minnesota who have been impacted by violence.

Cornerstone's Day One Call Center Advocates provide trauma-informed support, as well as immediate access to resources within the caller's identified community. To provide a caller with the most relevant resources available, advocates utilize the Day One database, an up-to-the-minute listing of available services such as shelter beds and support services at over 80 organizations across the state. Regardless of where a caller is located in Minnesota, the Day One Call Center is a consistent resource for information, resources and shelter.

How to reach a Day One Call Center Advocate:

MN Day One Crisis Line (connecting callers impacted by domestic violence, sexual violence and/or human trafficking to resources statewide): 866.223.1111
MN Day One Text Line: 612.399.9995
MN Crime Victim Support Line: 866.385.2699
MN Crime Victim Support Text Line: 612.399.9977
Chat is available at www.dayoneservices.org

Abuse hotline number 763-559-4945

Most needed items include:
(1) Full-size (not travel size) adult personal care items (deodorant, bar soap, razors, shampoo and conditioner – especially conditioner).
(2) Supplies for babies and children, including baby shampoo, baby wash for the bath, baby lotion, kids shampoo and conditioner.
(3) Cleaning supplies, including disinfecting wipes, dish soap, scrubbing sponges. (Note: Toothpaste and toothbrushes are not needed.)

Gift cards (for Target, Wal-Mart, Cub, Super America, Holiday, Office Depot, Office Max, Sally’s Beauty Supply or any drugstore) are also much needed.

If you would like to give a gift card, or send a check to Home Free, please use the pre-addressed donation envelopes that will be next to the collection bin and mail them directly to Home Free or they can be dropped in the floor safe in St. Joseph Hall. It is important that gift cards and checks are not left in the collection bin.

Contributions (other than gift cards and checks) can be placed in the collection bin that will be in the Social Hall just off the Gathering Space.

If you know a woman or man who is experiencing abuse, listen, and let them know that resources are available to help. Home Free's crisis line for abused women is 763.559.4945, or men and women can call the Domestic Abuse Helpline at 1.888.743.5754.

If you would like to get involved with Domestic Violence Awareness and Action (DVAA) at SJTW, please contact Susan Rivard (763.559.5873 or 612.247.4428, susanrivard5873@gmail.com) or Jane Warren (763.494.5528, janewarren1@gmail.com).

Help lines for those being abused

Home Free Shelter, Crisis Line 763.559.4945

DAY ONE MN DV Crisis Line 866.223.1111 (answered by different shelters each week)

National DV Hot Line 800.799.SAFE/7233 (have information for all states)

National Dating Abuse Help Line 866.331.9474 (website: loveisrespect.org)

Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women 888.743.5754 or 888.7HELPLINE, or www.dahmw.org.

Contributions (other than gift cards and checks) can be placed in the collection bin that will be in the Social Hall just off the Gathering Space. If you would like to get involved with Domestic Violence Awareness and Action (DVAA) at SJTW, please contact Susan Rivard at 763-559-5873 or 612-247-4428 or Jane Warren at 763-494-5528.

Live Free Without Violence

We raise our Live Free Without Violence flag in the social hall to honor the life of Carlton Campbell the 6th known person to be murdered in domestic violence in MN this year.

Domestic Violence and Abuse: Warning Signs of Abuse in Others

People who are being abused may:
• Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner
• Go along with everything their partner says and does
• Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they’re doing
• Receive frequent, harassing phone calls from their partner
• Talk about their partner’s temper, jealousy, or possessiveness

People who are being physically abused may:
• Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”
• Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation
• Dress in clothing designed to hide bruises or scars (e.g. wearing long sleeves in the summer or sunglasses indoors)

People who are being isolated by their abuser may:
• Be restricted from seeing family and friends
• Rarely go out in public without their partner
• Have limited access to money, credit cards, or the car

People who are being abused may psychologically:
• Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident
• Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn)
• Be depressed, anxious, or suicidal

If you want to help break the silence around domestic abuse or want more information about how you can help, please contact Susan Rivard at 612-247-4428 or Jane Warren at 763-494-5528.

SJTW raises our Live Free Without Violence flags in memory of Alicia Keilen the 2nd known person to be murdered in 2017 due to domestic violence in Minnesota.

Domestic Violence and Abuse: What You Can Do

Senicha Lessman, age 25, of Eagan and her unborn baby are dead – tragic victims of domestic violence. Murder was the last act of violence her boyfriend committed against her. There is little chance it was the first.
National statistics show that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men will experience physical violence in an intimate relationship in their lifetime and almost one-half of all men and women have experienced at least one psychologically aggressive behavior by an intimate partner, while 4 in 10 will experience at least one form of coercive control by an intimate partner.
What can you do to help? Watch and listen for signs of abuse from others. Sometimes victims don’t even realize they are being abused. Their partner has blamed them and told them they were crazy for so long, they believe them. From helpguide.org:

Recognizing warnings that signal others are being abused

It's impossible to know with certainty what goes on behind closed doors, but there are some telltale signs and symptoms of emotional abuse and domestic violence. If you witness these warning signs of abuse in a friend, family member, or co-worker, take them very seriously.

People who are being abused may:

* Seem afraid or anxious to please their partner

* Check in often with their partner to report where they are and what they're doing

* Talk about their partner's temper, jealousy, or possessiveness

* Have frequent injuries, with the excuse of “accidents”

* Frequently miss work, school, or social occasions, without explanation

* Be restricted from seeing family and friends

* Rarely go out in public without their partner

* Have very low self-esteem, even if they used to be confident

* Show major personality changes (e.g. an outgoing person becomes withdrawn)

Speak up if you suspect domestic violence or abuse

If you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up! If you’re hesitating, keep in mind that expressing your concern will let the person know that you care and may even save his or her life.

Talk to the person in private and let him or her know that you’re concerned. Point out the things you’ve noticed that make you worried. Tell the person that you’re there, whenever he or she feels ready to talk. Reassure the person that you’ll keep whatever is said between the two of you, and let him or her know that you’ll help in any way you can.

Remember, abusers are very good at controlling and manipulating their victims. People who have been emotionally abused or battered are depressed, drained, scared, ashamed, and confused. They need help to get out, yet they’ve often been isolated from their family and friends. By picking up on the warning signs and offering support, you can help them escape an abusive situation and begin healing. Be aware: A domestic violence situation can be dangerous (even if it doesn't appear so). Contact a professional at a place like Home Free 763-559-4945 or Safe Journey 763-581-3940 for guidance about how to proceed if there is any safety concern.
If you want to help break the silence around domestic abuse or want more information about how you can help, please contact Susan Rivard or 612-247-4428 or Jane Warren at 763-494-5528 .

Give. Advocate. Volunteer to Help Victims of Domestic Abuse
SafeJourney, a program serving North Memorial Medical Center and Maple Grove Hospital, helps patients and individuals in the community who are experiencing domestic abuse. Volunteer advocates are needed to provide a listening ear, support, safety planning, information and referral. You do not have to have previous knowledge or experience, but rather looking for people who are sensitive to the issue, caring, and non-judgmental. Advocates sign up for two on-call shifts per month. Flexible scheduling - daytime, overnights, and weekends. Training is Mar 4, 6, 11 & 13, 5:30-9 p.m. at North Memorial. Attendance at all four evening sessions is required. For more information and to schedule a short interview, please call 763-581-3942 or email suzy.whelan@northmemorial.com

Are you a teenager who is dating? Or a parent of a dating teen?
If this is uncharted territory for you, it might be helpful to review some of the characteristics of healthy and unhealthy dating relationships. Many relationships have a combination of both, but unhealthy traits can be a warning sign that a relationship is unsafe. Is your dating relationship healthy? Do you and your dating partner have fun together more often than not? Each enjoy spending time separately, with your own friends, as well as with each other’s friends? Always feel safe with each other? Trust and respect each other? Support each other’s individual goals in life, like getting a job or going to college? Respect each other’s opinions, even when they are different? Solve conflicts without putting each other down, cursing or making threats? Have equal decision-making power? Each control your own money? Encourage each other’s interests, like sports and extracurricular activities? Both apologize when you are wrong and accept responsibility for your actions? Have some privacy – your letters and personal phone calls are respected as your own? Have close friends and family who like the other person and are happy about your relationship? Is your dating relationship unhealthy? Do you or your dating partner get extremely jealous or accuse the other of cheating? Put the other down by calling names or making the other feel bad about him/herself? Embarrass or humiliate the other person? Not listen when the other person talks? Not take the other person, or things that are important to him/her, seriously. Often criticize the other’s friends or family? Tell the other how to dress? Blame the other person for your own behavior (“If you hadn’t made me so mad, I wouldn’t have…”)? Act controlling or possessive, like one person “owns” the other? Depend completely on the other person to meet social or emotional needs? Ever grabbed, pushed, hit or physically hurt the other person? Make all the decisions for the two of you? Try to keep the other person from having a job or furthering his/her education? Ever threatened to hurt the other or commit suicide if they leave? Try to make the other person feel crazy or play mind games? If you have concerns that a dating relationship is unhealthy or abusive, call Home Free at 763-559-9008 for professional guidance. If you want to help break the around silence DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard at 612-247-4428 or susanrivard5873@gmail.com).

Be part of the solution: Have zero tolerance for domestic abuse.

If you want to help break the around silence DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard (763-559-5873) or Jane Warren (763-494-5528) or for more information.

WHAT OUTRAGES YOU?
Are you outraged when someone cuts you off in traffi c?
Are you outraged when the referee at your child’s game makes a
wrong call?
Are you outraged when you have to wait in a long line at the
store or the bank?
Are you outraged when your boss criticizes you?
Are you outraged when you get a bad hair cut?
Are you outraged when a dinner partner is late in arriving?
Are you outraged when your raise or bonus is less than you think you deserve?
How about when the gas or electric bill or your taxes go up or when your mate burns the dinner?
On a much more important issue, what do you feel when you hear that, once again, a woman, child or man is murdered by their domestic partner?
If you are outraged by this, join the members of the Domestic Violence Awareness and Action Group in Breaking the Silence about domestic abuse and educating our community about the
costs of this horrifi c crime. We meet on the second Monday of the month at 6:30 PM in the library at St. Joseph the Worker. If you have questions you can call Jane Warren at 763-494-5528 or email her at janewarren1@gmail.com or call Sue Rivard at 763-559-5873 or email her at susanrivard5873@gmail.com. We always welcome new people to help us with this important
work.

Vigil at Plymouth intersection honors domestic abuse victim
Read the story that accompany this video.

What is domestic violence?
It is a behavior that comes from the desire of one person to have power and control over another. In a healthy relationship, people make decisions together and have respect for each other. In an unhealthy, abusive relationship, one person makes all the decisions for the other person – about what they wear, who their friends are, what they do for fun. In an abusive relationship, one person uses threats, fear or pain to make the other person do something.

Domestic abuse include things like belittling, put downs, unreasonable demands, isolation, intimidation, control of money, control of friends, control of free time and emotional abuse. It can also include threats, physical violence or murder. The bottom line is, no one deserves to be treated this way.

Who is affected?
95% of the time, the victims of domestic violence are women. Estimates are that one out of every four women is battered or abused. They come from all walks of life, all races, all educational backgrounds, and all religions. A battered woman or man might be the vice-president of your bank, your child’s Sunday school teacher, your pharmacist or your dentist. Domestic violence is everywhere; it crosses all economic, cultural and religious lines. It is wrong when it happens to a woman, and it is just as wrong when the victim is a man.

Why are we talking about domestic violence at church?
As people of faith, we know it is wrong when someone is abused, and we believe that every person has the right to live a life without violence.

If you want to help break the silence around DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard (612.247.4428 or susanrivard5873@gmail.com) or Jane Warren (763.494.5528 or janewarren1@gmail.com) for more information.

Home Free is the shelter in our area that serves women and children seeking refuge from domestic violence. They operate on a shoestring budget and could not survive without the support of people like you.

To help Home Free continue to provide a safe haven for desperate women and children fleeing abusive situations, we will be collecting donations for the shelter from July 16-25.

HOME FREE’S WISH LIST
Abuse hotline number 763-559-4945

Most needed items include: full-size (not travel size) adult personal care items (deodorant, toothpaste, bar soap, shampoo and conditioner – especially conditioner). Also needed are cleaning supplies (disinfecting wipes, dish soap, scrubbing sponges, window-cleaner). Supplies for babies and children are not needed at this time.

Gift cards (for Target, Wal-Mart, Cub, Super America, Holiday, Office Depot, Office Max, Sally’s Beauty Supply or any drugstore) are also much needed. If you would like to give a gift card, or send a check to Home Free, please use the pre-addressed donation envelopes that will be next to the collection bin and mail them directly to Home Free. It is important that gift cards and checks are not left in the collection bin and are instead mailed to Home Free.

Contributions (other than gift cards and checks) can be placed in the collection bin that will be in the Social Hall just off the Gathering Space.

If you know a woman or man who is experiencing abuse, listen, and let them know that resources are available to help. Home Free's crisis line for abused women is 763.559.4945, or men and women can call the Domestic Abuse Helpline at 1.888.743.5754.

If you would like to get involved with Domestic Violence Awareness and Action (DVAA) at SJTW, please contact Susan Rivard (763.559.5873 or 612.247.4428, susanrivard5873@gmail.com) or Jane Warren (763.494.5528, janewarren1@gmail.com).

Help lines for those being abused
Home Free Shelter, Crisis Line 763.559.4945
DAY ONE MN DV Crisis Line 866.223.1111 (answered by different shelters each week)
National DV Hot Line 800.799.SAFE/7233 (have information for all states)
National Dating Abuse Help Line 866.331.9474 (website: loveisrespect.org)
Domestic Abuse Helpline
for Men and Women 888.743.5754 or 888.7HELPLINE, or www.dahmw.org

DON’T JUST WALK ON BY THE “LIVE FREE WITHOUT VIOLENCE” FLAG

About once every two weeks we raise a Live Free Without Violence flag in the Social Hall. Next to it is a sign on an easel with a person’s name on it and some information about that individual.

That individual is a woman, child or man who was killed as a result of domestic violence. The flag and the sign are a way to make sure that their death doesn’t just become another domestic violence statistic that we read about and promptly forget. When you see the flag, please take a moment to pay tribute to that person and say a prayer that we will, someday soon, find a way to eradicate this evil that poisons our relationships, homes and communities.

And the next time you hear a news segment on television or read a story in the newspaper about domestic abuse, pause for a moment and pay attention. You will be amazed at how pervasive this kind of abuse is in our – every – community.

If you want to help break the around silence DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard (612.247.4428) or Jane Warren (763.494.5528 or janewarren1@gmail.com) for more information.

YOU Need to Be A Voice: Break the Silence Around Domestic Abuse

In 2015, as of December, 34 people were killed as a result of domestic violence in Minnesota. Some of these deaths received media attention, and at SJTW we raised a Live Free Without Violence flag in memory of each victim.

Sadly, for many others who live with abuse, there is only silence - because abuse, both physical and mental, from someone who is supposed to love you, can have that effect. Victims retreat inward, into a crack that was created by the first blow or manipulation from their abuser. The resulting silence means that the public rarely takes notice of the problem.

For the organizations that deal with domestic violence, there are ongoing funding and staffing challenges. Often, the best they can hope for is to give the victims some sense of control, make a little more noise on the subject, and disrupt the silence.

Individuals in the health care system can also disrupt the silence that typically surrounds domestic violence. Health care providers can ask patients if they feel safe, say something if they suspect abuse, and be prepared to educate patients about their options. Support coming from an authority figure like a doctor carries extra weight.

And “regular people” like you and me can also stop being silent. Even if we suspect abuse, sometimes we don’t ask because we feel like there is nothing we can do. Simple affirmations, like saying someone doesn’t deserve to be abused or that it’s not his or her fault, can be a life-line for a victim who feels isolated and frightened. Giving them information about resources (see below) can also be lifesaving. Always remember that a situation involving domestic abuse can be very dangerous; work with professionals.

Silence emboldens and affirms the abuser. Speaking up supports and encourages the victim. The choice is yours.

Help lines for those being abused:

Home Free Shelter, Crisis Line 763.559.4945
DAY ONE MN DV Crisis Line 866.223.1111 (answered by different shelters each week)
National DV Hot Line 800.799.SAFE/7233 (have information for all states)
National Dating Abuse Help Line 866.331.9474 (website: loveisrespect.org)
Domestic Abuse Helpline for Men and Women 888.743.5754 or 888.7HELPLINE, or www.dahmw.org

If you want to help break the around silence DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard (612.247.4428) or Jane Warren (763.494.5528 or janewarren1@gmail.com) for more information.
Numbers to Know about Domestic Abuse Victims

The Minnesota Coalition for Battered Women (MCBW), has tallied the number of victims of domestic violence here in Minnesota this yearIs this for 2015?: the number was 34 as of December.
This number does not count spouses or romantic partners who nearly escaped death, or those whose causes of death are still undetermined. The annual number of deaths from domestic assaults in Minnesota ranges from 20 to 40, so sadly, 26 homicides a year is about “average.” This is a grim tally but one that is essential to note so that the victims and the issue are not forgotten.

Other statistics:
•            Three women are killed by current or former partners EVERY DAY in the United States.
•             Most victims are women; only two men this year were killed by female partners.
•             About 50% of the homicides are done with firearms.
•             This year’s victims ranged in age from 19 to 76.

Liz Richards, executive director of MCBW, says these facts won’t change without more diligence in law enforcement, support for victims, and involvement by friends and neighbors who witness the signs of domestic abuse.

Here at St. Joseph's we raise the Live Without Violence flag each time there is a new victim in the Twin Cities area. This flag is displayed in St. Joe’s Hall. Please take a moment when you see it to read the names of the victims and say a prayer for all those who loved them.

The Domestic Violence Awareness and Action ministry at St. Joseph the Worker (DVAA) is one of the partners working on this new initiative. There will be updates in the bulletin as this group organizes and begins the important work of helping women put their lives back together.
DVAA needs more members, people who are willing to commit one night a month to planning events that will raise awareness of domestic violence, help Home Free (our shelter for abused women and children), and learn how each of us can reach out to women who are being abused. Please prayerfully consider joining us. Call Jane Warren at 763-494-5528 or email her at janewarren2@gmail.com for more information. We meet the 2nd Monday of each month at 6:30 PM at St. Joseph the Worker.
The MENding Project

The MENding Project The Domestic Violence Awareness and Action (DVAA) ministry at SJTW launched a new collaborative initiative to establish a MENding Project at SJTW. The MENding Project coordinates donations from individual men and male-run businesses for goods and free or reduced-fee services that can help abused women and children put together a new life and mend the harm that abusive men have done. Learn more about the MENding Project under the “Social Justice” menu on our website at www.sjtw.net.
How you can help

Volunteers to Help Victims of Domestic Abuse
SafeJourney, a program serving North Memorial Medical Center and Maple Grove Hospital, helps patients and individuals in the community who are experiencing domestic abuse. Volunteer advocates are needed to provide a listening ear, support, safety planning, information and referral. You do not have to have previous knowledge or experience, but rather looking for people who are sensitive to the issue, caring, and non-judgmental.
Advocates sign up for two on-call shifts per month. Flexible scheduling - daytime, overnights, and weekends. Training is March 1, 3, 8 & 10, 5:30-9 p.m. at North Memorial. Attendance at all four evening sessions is required. For more information and to schedule a short interview, please call 763-581-3942 or email suzy.whelan@northmemorial.com.

Home Free Shelter Needs your Used Cell Phones!
SJTW collects used cell phones for Home Free, a shelter for women and children escaping domestic abuse. The phones can be any brand and do NOT need to be in working order. Please do not include accessories. The collection boxes are located in the hallway outside St. Joseph Hall. THANK YOU – recycling used cell phones provides much-needed additional revenue for the shelter.
Domestic Violence Awareness

Why is it essential we, the Catholic community of Saint Joseph the Worker be concerned with the issue of domestic violence? It is essential because too often in the past, religious traditions have been used to defend an abusive patriarchy, to bind victims to marriage commitments that are undermined by intimate violence, to encourage people to “offer up” suffering rather than change the conditions that cause it.

Thankfully, this has changed. The Roman Catholic bishops were very clear in a pastoral letter back in 2002:“We state as clearly and strongly as we can that violence against women, inside or outside the home, is never justified … We emphasize that no person is expected to stay in an abusive marriage … Violence and abuse, not divorce, break up a marriage.”
It’s essential because shining a light of the reality of domestic violence is a critical step in creating pathways to safety for those who are victims. It’s essential because speaking out about domestic violence as a violation of God’s love can give victims strength to seek a better way. It’s essential because naming domestic violence as evil can help call perpetrators to account – and perhaps to repentance and treatment.
(Haslanger, Phil, Sojourners, 25 June 2014)

This week we raise the Live Free Without Violence Flag to memorialize Rose Downwind, Dominic Jasper & Kavonta Pratt the 30th, 31st, & 32nd known victims of domestic violence homicide in 2015. Learn more:bit.ly/1lSRfHw

Domestic Violence Awareness & Action

Vigil at Plymouth intersection honors domestic abuse victim