Domestic Violence Awareness & Action

A holiday for couples to show affection in grandiose ways. A day with happy smiling couples holding hands and celebrating their perfect relationship. But what about the many people who have suffered abuse from a partner rather than love and tenderness?
For survivors of domestic violence, Valentine’s Day is often a reminder that love isn’t always flowers and chocolates. For domestic violence survivors emotions on this day can be confusing, overwhelming and simple too much to bear.   It can make survivors feel more than just alone, it can bring up feelings of resentment, anger and sadness.
Domestic violence survivors say they have a feeling of deep sadness on Valentine’s Day that they can’t shake off.  One survivor said Valentine’s Day made them feel even more worthless than they already did.  For some survivors Valentine’s Day shows a painful sense of responsibility to show love and affection.  They feel more alone, depressed and vulnerable than they do all year.
Love shouldn’t hurt. You are not alone.  Help is available.  
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7. For any victims and survivors who need support, call 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 for TTY
If you’re unable to speak safely, you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522.
Locally contact the Home Free Community Program hotline (24/7) at 763-559-4945. The  Home Free Community Program serves women and men who have been victims of domestic assault in the cities of Plymouth, New Hope, Champlain and eleven municipalities in northwest Hennepin County. 
If you want to help fight DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard (612.247.4428 or  susanrivard5873@gmail.com) or Jane Warren (763.494.5528 or  janewarren1@gmail.com) for more information.

These apps can record calls and fights, recognize an abuser and dial 911 on your behalf

A survey by DomesticShelters.org indicated that one third of survivors say they never documented abuse. Many survivors can’t admit that their once-loving partner has become abusive. Others know they are being abused but don’t think to keep a log of incidents, especially if the abuse is nonphysical. But when it is time to leave the abuser, secure a permanent order of protection and potentially fight for custody rights, any evidence the survivor can bring to court is only going to bolster his or her case.

Victims often have a tough time being believed. They are often accused of suffering the after-effects of abuse — things like cognitive impairment, memory problems and paranoia — which can call their testimony can into question. If it comes down to he said-she said, the victim can lose.

Below is an updated list of recommended apps which can help survivors record abuse as evidence and even identify abuse so they can get out before evidence is ever needed.

To Record Sounds in the Room: Rev Voice Recorder and Memos
A recording of an abuser’s threats, intimidation or control, or the sounds of physical abuse occurring — as scary as that concept is — can be an instrumental piece of evidence in court. This app allows you to record the sounds around you even with other apps open or when the phone goes to sleep, so you could essentially hide the fact you’re recording.

Pros: Syncs to your Dropbox to back-up your recordings, in case the abuser deletes the recording or damages your phone.

Cons: Only works with iPhone and iPad. Does not record phone calls — for that, you’ll want the Rev Call Recorder.

Rating: 4+
 

To Record a Phone Call: Tape ACall Pro
Because threats and protection order violations often take place over the phone, it’s worthwhile to record phone conversations with an abuser. TapeACall allows you to record calls without an indication to the third party they’re being recorded. The app lets you download recordings to your computer as soon as you end a call. Labeling allows you to categorize recordings for easy access later.

Pros: You can record both incoming and outgoing calls.

Cons: The Pro version is $29.99 a year. Only available on iPhones. Three-way calling needs to be supported in order to use, but adding the third call is virtually undetectable once the other person is on the line.

Rating: 4+
 

To Keep a Log of Abusive Incidents: VictimsVoice PWA
Documenting abuse can show a pattern of power, control and intimidation. But how do you keep an abuser from finding your notes? As a “PWA”, or progressive web app, your use of this tool isn’t tracked like your typical Internet use is and therefore is less likely to be detected by an abusive partner. Each time you log in, you use an activation code. It can be accessed from any computer, anywhere.

Pros: Helps you create legally admissible chronological records to submit in court.

Cons: A little pricey at $39.95, but the information is kept safe indefinitely, even if you stop using the app and need to come back to it years later.

To Back You Up in Dangerous Situations: Noonlight You’re in an iffy situation—you’re meeting someone new or you’re with a current partner and don’t feel safe. Maybe you’re just walking into an unknown situation or heading home at night by yourself. Simply hold down the button in the Noonlight app and release when you are safe. If you let go and don’t enter your pin, 911 will be called and sent to your location.

Pros: You can text with responders if you’re unable to talk. Your location is updated even if you begin moving or get into a car. Can sync with Apple watch to send help immediately with the touch of a button. Also voice-activated through an Alexa (may be useful if children are in the house and in potential danger). Free to use panic button feature; $4.99 to $9.99 a month for additional features.

Cons: None that we could tell.

Rating: 4+
 

To Help Recognize an Abuser: RUSafe App
This free assessment and journaling app, based on a danger assessment tool, helps individuals decide if they’re possibly in a dangerous situation with a potential abuser.

Pros: Free to download, works with iPhone and Android phones, includes a secure journal feature where text, audio and photos can be uploaded and emailed to yourself.

Cons: Icon denotes app’s purpose – may be easier to spot by an abuser who’s spying on a survivor’s phone.

Rating: 4+

Check This One Out, Too The myPlan app, which is discreet and password-protected, helps you identify if the actions of your partner fall into the abusive category. After answering a few questions, you’ll receive a score on a scale from Variable Danger to Extreme Danger and be given information about who to call for further advice and counseling.

(This material was adapted from an article in DomesticShelters.org, an online newsletter with domestic violence resources and information.)

If you want to work toward ending domestic violence please join our group, Domestic Violence Awareness and Action.  We normally meet at St. Joseph the Worker Catholic Church in Maple Grove, but are an ecumenical group with members from many different places.   We are meeting using Microsoft Meeting on the first Tuesday of every month during the pandemic.  If you’d like to join us contact Jane Warren at janewarren1@gmail.com. 

Effects of Domestic Violence on Children Through Adulthood

More than 15 million children in the U.S. live in a home where domestic violence has happened at least once. They are at greater risk for repeating the cycle as adults by entering into abusive relationships or becoming abusers themselves

Children who witness domestic violence or are victims of abuse themselves are at serious risk for long term physical and mental health problems. They may also be at greater risk of being violent in their future relationships.

Children who witness abuse are at higher risk of health problems as adults including depression and anxiety. They are also at risk for diabetes, heart disease and poor self- esteem.

Children in homes where one parent is abused may feel fearful, anxious and be on guard at all times. Preschool children may react by doing things they did when younger like bed-wetting, thumb sucking and increased crying and whining.

School aged children may not participate in school activities, have fewer friends and get in trouble more often. They may have a lot of headaches and stomachaches.

Teenagers may act out in negative ways such as fighting with family members or skipping school. They engage in risky behaviors such as having unprotected sex and using drugs and alcohol. They have low self- esteem, have trouble making friends and may start fighting and bullying others and are more likely to be in trouble with the law.

Can children recover from witnessing or experiencing domestic violence? Every child responds differently. Success depends on a good support system, good relationships with trusted adults, high self- esteem and healthy friendships. The sooner a child gets help the better their chances are for becoming a mentally and physically healthy adult.

If you want to help fight DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard (612.247.4428 or susanrivard5873@gmail.com) or Jane Warren (763.494.5528 or janewarren1@gmail.com) for more information.

 

Police Officers Who Respond to Domestic Calls Are Impacted, Too

“Domestic” police calls are some of the most dangerous situations for officers. Up to 10% of such calls result in assaults on the responding officers. The likelihood of an officer assault is greatest when the batterer is unemployed, intoxicated, resides with the DV victim, has just damaged property and/or displays a hostile demeanor when officers arrive. An assault on officers is least likely (but not impossible) when all of these elements are absent. https://www.sjtw.net/domestic-violence

If an assault on officers does occur, officers involved have a 50 % chance of sustaining an injury requiring medical treatment. If the domestic assault involves a firearm, officer injury is most likely to occur as the officers first approach the scene or shortly after their arrival. The assailant is likely to be laying in ambush inside or outside the residence, utilize a long gun (rifle or shotgun), and open fire from many feet away. Officers have a 50/50 chance of being hit by the abuser’s gunfire but are most likely to survive the encounter if they wear body armor, maintain distance from the shooter, utilize cover and concealment, and return controlled, accurate fire. (Richard R. Johnson, PHD, Dolan Consulting Group)

Domestic abuse has many victims, not just the woman/man being beaten and assaulted. The professionals who intervene to stop the assault, family members and the community at large are  all victimized by abuse. 

If you want to help fight DV, please join DVAA. Contact Susan Rivard (612.247.4428 or  susanrivard5873@gmail.com) or Jane Warren (763.494.5528 or  janewarren1@gmail.com) for more information.
 

  
Self-care has gained notable momentum in the wellness community. We know now that we “cannot pour from an empty cup.” However, there are myths about self-care that hold us back from a realistic understanding of what an active and consistent self-care practice looks and feels like.

1. Practicing meditation or mindfulness. 
This can simply mean sitting still (you don’t have to cross your legs, just sit on a comfy chair or lay down in bed), clearing your mind and breathing deeply for 10 minutes every morning. What you’re doing is practicing quieting your often racing and anxious thoughts. It may help to repeat a mantra, which can shift you into a positive mindset for the day ahead.  

2. Exercise — even a little bit.
 While living with abuse, and after escaping abuse, many individuals feel depressed, which brings with it fatigue and zero desire to get out of bed, much less go to the gym. But even moving for 20 minutes a day can produce visible benefits, such as boosting your mood and energy level.  

3. Massage
Massage  has  been prove n to help with the effects of PTSD by reducing the cortisol levels in the body, which can reduce that feeling of hypervigilance that makes you feel like danger is around every corner. But getting professional massages aren’t a realistic option for everyone. Luckily, you can reap the benefits of massage by doing it yourself at home, just by massaging your hands, feet, or above your eyes to relieve tension.  

4. Harness the healing power of your favorite movie.
 If working out isn’t your jam, self-care can also look like putting your feet up in front of the TV. (There's no hard and fast rule about what self-care means.) It can simply be taking a couple of hours to watch a favorite movie or TV show and focusing on relaxing. If your favorite film or show is a comedy, even better; laughing can relax your muscles and stimulate circulation, which can help reduce the physical symptoms of stress in your body. 

5. Helping others. 
True, this may require leaving home, but it is free. Doing something to help others is a way to begin your own healing. Volunteering at a soup kitchen, walking dogs at a local shelter or practicing small, random acts of kindness are all great examples of things to do to give back.  

Self-care has gained notable momentum in the wellness community. We know now that we “cannot pour from an empty cup.” However, there are myths about self-care that hold us back from a realistic understanding of what an active and consistent self-care practice looks and feels like.  

Below are five self-care myths that you should start letting go of today.  

Myth 1: Self-Care is Selfish 
Selfishness entails taking from others without reciprocity, thoughtlessness, inconsideration and a lack of empathy. Self-care involves setting limits with our time, people and places (aka, setting boundaries). We are able to spend time alone and make space for self-reflection with respect to our feelings, relationships and behaviors. 

The reality is that we cannot be present for others or ourselves when we don’t take care of our mental, physical and spiritual well-being. To reframe, self-care is really not 100% about you. It is about being able to attend to your needs so you can show up in the best way possible for others.  

 
Myth 2: Self-Care is Grandiose 
Large self-care gestures are important, but they aren’t inclusive of all the other critical aspects of self-care. Self-care on a moment-to-moment, hour-to-hour and day-by-day basis is what needs our attention the most. This includes grace, pace and space. Grace is the way you speak to yourself in your head. Pace is the tempo that you go about your day. Space is what you make room for in your life and heart.  


Myth 3: Self-Care is Secondary or Optional 
If you don’t budget for self-care, it will make time for you in the form of illness and stress. If you have a super busy day that is filled with tasks and stressors that are all priorities, self-care should not be neglected – instead, that means that self-care needs to be on the top of that priority list and not an afterthought. Goal-seeking is a form of self-care, but when it is at the cost of your mental and physical wellbeing, then we have a problem; then, we are supporting the lie that self-care needs to be “earned.” Taking care of yourself is your birthright. You do not need to earn it. 


Myth 4: Self-Care is Anything that Relaxes You 
This is the myth that surprises a lot of people. Yes, many forms of self-care are relaxing and help regulate the nervous system. When we are stressed, our nervous system is on FIRE, so calming strategies are like water for that fire. However, sometimes calming strategies fan the flame in the form of procrastination.  

The reality is that self-care can be really challenging, and the best way we can take care of ourselves can be described in two words: yes and no. Yes is the willingness to care for yourself by agreeing to things that safely push you outside of your comfort zone and promote growth, like signing up for a 5k, or being more open and honest in your relationships, or setting and honoring boundaries with people, places and things. This includes limiting social media and contact with people that drain you and disengaging from things that drain your energy and do not reciprocate. Self-care can and should be challenging at times.  

Myth 5: Self-Care Takes a Lot of Time 
Notice your breath at this moment while you are reading this article. Just notice, without changing it. Notice where you feel tension in your body and send the breath to that area. Start to elongate the breath and repeat ten times. Feel the tension start to shift. Feel your heart rate start to slow down and your body feel more centered.  

What you just did was an act of self-care! When we take deep breaths, we are giving our nervous systems a big, self-care hug. Breath-work doesn’t take a ton of time and can be done anywhere, anytime.  

Help is still available – through shelters, hotlines, therapists and counselors.  These are available by phone and on line.   

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7. For any victims and survivors who need support, call 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-787-3224 for TTY 

If you’re unable to speak safely, you can log onto thehotline.org or text LOVEIS to 22522. 

Locally contact the Home Free Community Program hotline (24/7) at 763-559-4945. The  Home Free Community Program serves women and men who have been victims of domestic assault in the cities of Plymouth, New Hope, Champlain and eleven municipalities in northwest Hennepin County.

WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP FIGHT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Everyone thinks this is a police issue or social service, but it actually involves all of us. Domestic Violence occurs across the spectrum of society. It is not just something that happens in the ghetto.
One of the first things we can all do is PRAY for the victims of DV and their dependents. The majority of cases involve women both the educated and the poorly educated and their children but there are some cases of women abusing their male partner. Five percent of abuse victims are men.
Domestic violence happens to those with minimal education and those with a PHD, the blue collar and white collar family, wealthy and those struggling financially. We need to be aware that it can happen to someone in our family, a neighbor or a friend.
Being aware of the signs of problem behavior is needed . Some of the red flags are reclusiveness of one partner, with minimal means of communication with friends or family such as no cell phone or vehicle. Or the victim always has to check in with his/her partner and is on a tight schedule to get home. The victim will often make excuses for not coming to family affairs or having to leave early. Frequent changes of address should be another alerting sign
Of course there ARE the usual bruises but many times the emotional abuse is not openly apparent. Personality changes such as going from happy to worried demeanor of the victim should spark suspicion.
If you do suspect someone is in an abusive situation never force assistance but rather try to let the victim know you are there if they need anything. If possible give them emergency contact information such as safe shelters. Do not be obvious or the victim may suffer after talking to you.
Keep yourself informed on domestic violence and know that it is a problem in every country not just the improvished and be available if someone seeks your advice.
The best way to get fast help is always to remember 911.
Home Free in Plymouth is the closest shelter to our area and the phone number there is 763 545 7080.
The DVAA (Domestic Violence Awareness and Action) group are very active at St Joseph the Worker. We are trying to get the community informed and work with local police and community leaders to get this information out to the public.
Please join DVAA. We meet the first Tuesday of every month at 7:00 PM in the library. If you have questions please contact Jane Warren at janewarren1@gmail.com or Susan Rivard at susanrivard5873@gmail.com.
 

When I Call for Help: A Pastoral Response to Domestic Violence Against Women

When I Call for Help, originally written in 1992 and revised in 2002, is a firm statement by the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) that violence in any shape or form is directly against the Church’s teaching of honoring the dignity of every human person, which is a bedrock principle of Catholic Social Teaching. Within this brief response by the bishops is one particularly important statement for every person to consider, “religion can be either a resource or a roadblock for abused women.” Take a moment today and consider how you as a person of faith might be a resource to someone who is in an abusive relationship.

St. Joseph the Worker has an active group, Domestic Violence Awareness and Action (DVAA) that strives to be this kind of resource to our local community. If you are passionate about raising awareness for domestic violence and advocating for safe and healthy relationships, please consider joining this group at one of their meetings. For more information, contact alex@SJTW.net

When I Call for Help is available for free on the USCCB website, but in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, SJTW will order a physical copy of the document in pamphlet form on your behalf. Please contact Director of Social Justice, Alex Blechle, at alex@SJTW.net if you would like one.

Help lines for those being abused

Home Free Shelter, Crisis Line 763-559-4945
www.missionsinc.org/programs/home-free

DAY ONE MN DV Crisis Line Call 866-223-1111
or text 612.399.9995. www.dayoneservices.org

Answered by the shelter that is closest to the caller.

National DV Hot Line Call 800-799-SAFE/7233
or go to www.thehotline.org to chat with a trained Crisis Counselor.
Information for all states. Open 24/7 every day, this is a resource for safety information and can connect any caller with shelters and protection advocates in her area.

National Dating Abuse Help Line 866-331-9474 
website: loveisrespect.org

Violence is words and actions that hurt people. Violence is the abusive or unjust exercise of power, intimidation, harassment and/or the threatened or actual use of force which results in or has a high likelihood of causing hurt, fear, injury, suffering or death.
Are you in an abusive relationship? You may be if you have ever been threatened, kicked, shoved or had things thrown at you. You may be if you feel you have no choice about what you wear, what you say, or who you spend time with or where you go. You may be if you need your partner’s permission before buying food or clothing, writing checks or making other daily decisions.
Domestic Violence is always wrong!! This is not a women’s issue. This is not a feminist issue. This is an individual human rights AND moral issue.
If you would like to be a part of the Domestic Violence Awareness and Action Group here at St. Joe's, we meet on the first Tuesday of every month in the SJTW library from 7:00-8:30. We educate and take actions to move toward zero tolerance for domestic abuse. Contact Jane Warren at janewarren1@gmail.com or 763.494.5528 or Susan Rivard at susanrivard5873@gmail.com or 612.247.4428.